I smoked cigarettes from age 14 to last November, breaking only during my pregnancy and nursing. For the last year or so I smoked, my husband did not tolerate it. He quit smoking before our son was born – on my insistence. He never did understand why I didn’t just stop like he had.
We argued about it. The arguments often started about something else, then he would say something like “and now you’re going to go smoke a cigarette…I know you are.” Walking outside and lighting up was driving a wedge between us but no sooner had the words come out of his mouth and I was out the door. F you, dude.
My behavior is sometimes similar with alcohol:
“You’re going to drink too much tonight – I can see it in your eyes.”
I was thinking about these behaviors as I read an article on anti-drinking ads. Based on my own experiences, I’d say this study was dead on. What do you think?
http://alcoholselfhelpnews.wordpress.com/2010/04/05/anti-drinking-ads-can-increase-alcohol-use/
By the way, I quit smoking in November after reading The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. I recommend it whether you’re interested in quitting or not. The behaviors Carr explores are all too familiar to addictive personalities…
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And I’m still proud of you for not smoking. Thank you!
Congrats on stopping smoking.
Guilt and shame were the preferred way that my parents ( and I think that whole generation including most religions) used to modify others
behavior. They believed they were doing the “right” thing. Much is written in the field of psychology about the negative results of this usage.
And we still do it! Your referred article….
Stay strong…………Brenda
It’s funny, Brenda…your comment carried with me for a few days and in an entirely unintended way. I’ve been struggling with finding a disciplinary style I’m comfortable with for my relationship with my son and I played around with those statements mentally as I looked for a path I want to walk down. Thanks for the comment:)
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